A lot of people who know me are a little confused by my life. More specifically, by the way I’ve chosen to have my children while simultaneously trailing across the globe like an international vagabond. It’s more usual, and probably more sensible, to buy a house within a community you have ties to, settle in it and make it nice, and then populate it with your children. But we chose a different path. And there have certainly, most definitely, been moments when we have wondered if we did the right thing. But they have been few compared to the innumerable times we have been so grateful that we took the road less travelled.
Our lifestyle here is one we feel extremely lucky to have. It’s not like we’re rich, but we’re comfortable, and where we are truly blessed is in the amount of time we get to spend together as a family. Hywel gets home at 3.30 each day so the girls get to be with their dad all afternoon, almost every day. Then there’s the great weather, the unspeakably beautiful beaches and rainforests right on our doorstep, the kid-friendly convenience of San Jose itself. On top of that, our girls have such rich life experience already, they are becoming fluent in two languages and their outdoorsy, active routines are shaping them into strong, happy and confident children.
I also feel so lucky that I am still getting to indulge my passion for travel, even while I am in that phase of my life that is usually associated with losing your freedom. And I love travelling more than ever now I have my kids. I know I don’t get to explore a lot, and I certainly haven’t seen as much of Central America as I would have done if I didn’t have my little entourage, but I love the doors that have opened up that were never open to me before.
Both in Tanzania and in Costa Rica, being a mother has given me an immediate peer group of people I have one major thing in common with, in that we are all parents. And granted, that one shared thing might not sustain a friendship for long, but you meet so many that you inevitably meet those few that you have a real connection with. It was a lot harder to make friends before I was a mother – you either met at work or through mutual friends I suppose – but I find I meet a far greater variety of people now that I do it this way. I often talk to Hywel about the interesting stories and life histories I’ve come across, the different houses and areas I’ve visited, and all the various opinions and parenting advice that has been shared with me.
I suppose this all sounds a bit mundane and twee (mothers’ meetings over tea and cakes). It sounded that way to me too until I took the plunge and actually did it. It was entirely a practical decision. My whole life had changed, and if I was going to wait for the boozy nights out that had constituted the majority of my socialising pre-kids, I was going to get pretty lonely Therefore I bit the bullet and hunted out other mums to spend time with. It kills two birds with one stone too: kids need other kids, just like mums need other mums. And because of this I have met people I never would have come across otherwise and most importantly, this was more or less the way I met many of my closest friends out here.
The other thing I love is how people react to me now in my role as Nyika and Cielo’s mother. Even just walking down the street I am surrounded by smiles and murmurs about how cute/beautiful/precious my girls are. In Tanzania, Nyika’s arrival heralded a new age in popularity for me – I was followed down the street, or surrounded in the market – people were so keen to have a look or even stroke a cheek of one of the very few white babies in town. Sometimes that kind of attention was a little unwanted; I can’t say the same about the waiters in the restaurants there – I loved the fact that they would quite happily come and carry her away for a bit of fussing and play while I enjoyed a rare moment of peace in which to enjoy my meal.
I think I’ve written before about all the people in our neighbourhood here that I’ve become acquainted with because of the girls. As a little gang we’re very recognisable and people tend not to forget us quickly. I have several neighbours who stop to chat with Nyika most mornings, and it is amazing watching her making small talk in Spanish. We even had the family next door arrive with a baby chick that had wondered into their garden the other day to show us.
But it’s more than that. I’ve realised recently that my kids make me brave in a way I never was before. I love taking them places. I really enjoy walking into social situations or new places with them. As I said before, they’re my entourage, and more often than not, they’re charming, entertaining and upbeat. Crucially they are a talking point, a focal point, and we find we get talking to people now almost everywhere we go. I can no longer even count the number of conversations I have had that began with the worlds “Cuanto tiene?” or “Son gemelas?” or their English language equivalents as the case may be. And I love that, because despite the fact that I’ve always been terrible at opening conversations, I am a real people person.
And do you know something? I don’t even think I knew that about myself until being with my kids revealed it to me. They show me so much. I love seeing life through their eyes. The true, unbridled enthusiasm they have for something as simple as the ebb and flow of waves on a beach or a sudden shower of orange petals from a tree inspires me like nothing ever has before. They constantly remind me to live in the moment and experience everything as if it was the first time. I am very grateful to my little girls for helping me to see the world, and myself, differently.
Things We Found Along the Way 